The Elusiveness of Prayer

As I will detail more fulling in the future parts of my faith journey series of posts (you can see part 1 here), I was a dangerously lapsed Catholic heading into my late 30's.  When I decided to reconnect with the Catholic faith I never really knew as a youth, I decided that I must know what that faith means, and as St. Peter writes, be able to give a reason for the hope that it in me (1 Peter 3:15).  Another thing I understood I must be able to do was pray.  Growing up I had memorized all the prayers in the Mass.  I knew the Hail Mary, the Glory Be and the Our Father.  I had a book that contained dozens of prayers.  I knew where to go to find prayers, but I didn't know how to pray.

Since I have started my new faith journey I have leaned heavily on podcasts.  I download them and listen to them as I drive for work, work in the yard or exercise.  One of the first ones I listened to was a series on prayer by Dr. James Dobbins.  I knew that how to pray would be something I would need to be able to do.

So here I am some 4-years into my "Coming Home" and I still don't know how how to properly pray.  I guess it is the definition of "proper" that I am hung up on.  I think part of my problem is, well, lets be honest, a large part of my problem is that I don't make the time to pray.  I get too caught up in all the other things I have to do, my mind gets so wrapped up in my own problems that I simply fail to take time each day to converse with God.  Not to say my day is totally devoid of attempts to speak to and listen to God.  I pray each day that God will do his will in my life, that I will more fully surrender myself to God.  I pray most days for God to show me how to let go of myself and grab onto him.  Several times per week I read the Magnificat.  Each time I am confronted with reminded of someone in need, I say a little prayer for them.

Maybe it is my own unrealistic expectations.  Maybe it is my never being satisfied with where I am and what I am doing.  I don't know.  But I am trying to be not be so hard on myself for what I am not doing in my prayer life and concentrating on ways to improve.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui