Everything's Right is Wrong Again

The result is a catalogue of disharmony in the service of contemporaneity, an artefact that is already ossifying into a 1990s design style. It is a style that presumes that more is hipper than less, confusion is better than simplicity, fragmentation is smarter then continuity, and that ugliness is its own reward.

In reading an article on Catholic Exchange on using pop culture in the New Evangelization referenced a phrase, "the cult of the ugly."  Interested in that I "googled" the phrase "cult of the ugly" to see who coined that phrase.  In doing so I found an article on graphic design from the early/mid 90's by a man named Steven Heller.  In that article was the above quote.

The piece was a ravaging of what was then called "post-modern" design in the graphic arts world.  It is filled with a vast array of ideas applied to the artist's craft.  It is also about graphic design, very useful and necessary profession, but not one of any interest to me.  The article, and the quote above particularly, got me to thinking about how his point can apply to all phases of life, including Christianity.

Mr. Heller speaks many truths in his article, truths that apply to more than the world of graphic design.  I think the main point of his article is that there has to be some higher standard and that the "post-modern" concept of throwing away the old rules and making new rules as the individual sees fit doesn't work.  However, a quick review of the history of the Catholic Church shows that this too is not a new idea.

We see this in the words of Martin Luther and other sixteenth century "reformers." They too wanted to throw out the old, i.e., the Catholic Church, and put in place their own ideas of what should be the basis of Christianity.  Much like the post-modern design artists decried by Mr. Heller, the "reformers" wanted to set aside what they saw as corrupt and broken in the Church and replace it with their own ideas.*  Even if Luther and the other "reformers" started out with the right intentions, they quickly devolved into exercises in egomanicalism. 

*there undoubtedly were many things that needed changing in the Church at the time, parts were broken and corrupt.

The question then becomes how do we apply this experience to our own lives.  In our own day we see things like the priest sex abuse scandal, the Vatican banking scandal, the dissident voices from the clergy on modern social and moral issues and even dare I say many Church leaders living lives of luxury while so many suffer in poverty.  It isn't hard to look at these things and feel, like those "reformers" of old that the Church is beyond saving and a new body must be formed.

It is that very line of thinking that has led to the founding of thirty-some thousand denominations.  It is this type of thinking that leads us from the Church and to sin.  It leads us away from God.  It is this self-focused thought that leads us away from our "neighbors," as Christ described them in the parable of the Good Samaritan.  It is the other that we must strive to be focused on.  It is the needs of our fellow man and not our own desires that we should strive to make our life's work. 

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

More on prayer

In trying to post more articles, I have found myself typing thoughts that are more incomplete than normal. I feel my last post was rushed and didn't fully state my complete thoughts on prayer and where my prayer has evolved/grown.

First, I want to share this link.  It is a very good article on prayer and praying as a community.

I ended last time with talking about how I often simply pray for God to do his will in my life.  It is my fervent desire to lose myself and do the Lord's will.  I am always praying for that, then turning right around and allowing (or purposefully placing -- as the case may be) myself in the way of that very thing.  In the past few years I have been blessed to give more and more of myself to my wife and my job.  Each time I feel like I am simply too exhausted and have nothing more to give, I ask God to show me how to give more.  In turn, when I am shown how to do that, I fight it tooth and nail.  I fight it out of fear, pride and impatience.

Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of not knowing what should be done.  All those fears are sins. Those fears arise because of a lack of faith.  Those fears are the same fear that Peter felt when Jesus had him get out of the boat and walk on the water to Jesus.  When Peter would not keep his eyes on Christ, he sank.  The fear is that I will sink, when I know all I have to do is keep my eyes on Christ.

Pride.  Wow, what a word.  I could talk about pride for days and not even get close to scratching the surface.  I am not sure who, but I know someone once said that pride is the root of all sin (or something similar).  I think that is so brilliant in it simplicity and it truth.  Every sin I do or fail to do is essentially because I am choosing myself over God.  It is this choosing myself that makes it difficult to give up oneself, sort of a instinct reaction left over from original sin, maybe.  I don't know.  Either way, my constant want to please myself -- even though I know in my head that in the long run God's will is the better option -- gets in the way.  Sort of like the fleshly desire for instant gratification is to the self mastery learned through abstinence and fasting.

Finally impatience.  I think this might be an American specialty.  We live in a throw-away, microwave, fast food society.  What we see and are conditioned to expect is instant results, instant opinions and instant news.  I am just as guilty as anyone.  I get impatient when my computer takes longer than I expect to boot up.  I get upset when I have to wait at a stop light.  I mumble under my breath when someone is not going fast enough at the grocery store in line in front of me. 

I need to learn to pray for other besides myself.  But when I pray for myself, I need to pray for the grace to over come my price, fear and impatience.  I need to trust in the Lord that he will hear my cry and pour out his blessings for me when I conform myself to his will.

Hmm, like writing about prayer. Maybe I should go pray for how to better write about prayer . . . oh wait, not so much about me  . . . I forget . . .

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

The Elusiveness of Prayer

As I will detail more fulling in the future parts of my faith journey series of posts (you can see part 1 here), I was a dangerously lapsed Catholic heading into my late 30's.  When I decided to reconnect with the Catholic faith I never really knew as a youth, I decided that I must know what that faith means, and as St. Peter writes, be able to give a reason for the hope that it in me (1 Peter 3:15).  Another thing I understood I must be able to do was pray.  Growing up I had memorized all the prayers in the Mass.  I knew the Hail Mary, the Glory Be and the Our Father.  I had a book that contained dozens of prayers.  I knew where to go to find prayers, but I didn't know how to pray.

Since I have started my new faith journey I have leaned heavily on podcasts.  I download them and listen to them as I drive for work, work in the yard or exercise.  One of the first ones I listened to was a series on prayer by Dr. James Dobbins.  I knew that how to pray would be something I would need to be able to do.

So here I am some 4-years into my "Coming Home" and I still don't know how how to properly pray.  I guess it is the definition of "proper" that I am hung up on.  I think part of my problem is, well, lets be honest, a large part of my problem is that I don't make the time to pray.  I get too caught up in all the other things I have to do, my mind gets so wrapped up in my own problems that I simply fail to take time each day to converse with God.  Not to say my day is totally devoid of attempts to speak to and listen to God.  I pray each day that God will do his will in my life, that I will more fully surrender myself to God.  I pray most days for God to show me how to let go of myself and grab onto him.  Several times per week I read the Magnificat.  Each time I am confronted with reminded of someone in need, I say a little prayer for them.

Maybe it is my own unrealistic expectations.  Maybe it is my never being satisfied with where I am and what I am doing.  I don't know.  But I am trying to be not be so hard on myself for what I am not doing in my prayer life and concentrating on ways to improve.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Memorial Day and the reluctant heroes

Happy Memorial Day.  Today is a national holiday to honor those who have lost their lives in defending our freedoms.  This post will not be about how those freedoms have been evaporating like a clear mist before our eyes.  Rather, I want this to be a reflection on what the sacrifice those men and women should mean to me and you.

I will be honest that Memorial Day has never been high on the list of important holidays for me.  I guess part of it is that I don't know anyone and am not related to anyone who lost their lives in battle.  This holiday has simply been another day off of work/school.  I say that not in an attempt to justify or support these feelings but as an admission of my failures.  I should be more thankful for those men and women and more reverant to their sacrifice. 

Our Lord said that there is no greater love than to give ones life for ones friends.  Christ gave his life for not just his friends, but for his enemies -- for those who hate him.  In some way these soldiers have done the same.  Those brave men and women gave their lives in the belief that the idea of America, that the idea of freedom is something worth dying for.  Those soldiers gave their lives, not just for those that agreed with them on political and other issues of the day, but for those who disagreed with them and opposed what the soldier may have believed in.

I do not think it is fair to paint all those who have lost their lives in battle with such an idealistic brush.  To be sure, there are those who were drafted into the armed forces and died that did not want to fight, that did not believe in the cause.  This is no reason to disparage their memory or to honor them any less.  In some ways they were simply pawns of history. In some ways they are victims of the worst part of humanity.  Ultimately, I think they are best viewed as exceptional heroes.  Those men and women may have had little to no choice in fighting and dying, but they gave everything they had for reasons outside their control.  In my view they are more Christ-like because they set aside their will for the will of the "greater good."  Just as Christ put aside his human will and did God's will, these men and women put aside their wants and desires and fought and died for something they did not believe in.

It might be easy to say that they had no choice, but that is not entirely true.  They could have lived out their lives in prison for not complying.  They could have committed crimes so as not to be forced to go.  They could have done violence to their fellow soldiers to rebel against their forced services, a sad trend we are seeing play itself our for other reasons in the past few years.  They had the option of any number of ways of getting out of service.  While none of these things may have been appealing options, they were options that most likely wouldn't have resulted in their untimely deaths.  Instead these men and women chose to fight and die so that we may sit back in our air conditioning and attempt to judge their motivations.  Today, let just be thankful to those people.  Today let us rejoice that forced service is no longer a reality in America.  Today, let us reflect on how we can be more like them, more like Christ and focus on forgoing our will and doing God's will.


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Faith story part 1

This past week my Parrish had a mission with Father Dwight Longenecker.  To say it was enlightening would be an inadequate description.  If you have the opportunity to hear him speak, I cannot recommend enough that you take full advantage of it.

His topic was how to evangelize by sharing your faith journey.  It has had me thinking over the past three days and I want to start to put mine down.  I hope if anyone reads this it will be enlightening and beneficial.  I don't know how many posts it will take, but I will spread it out, as this will be the first time I have ever really done this . . . really the sort of thing I intended to do years ago when I started this blog.  Thank you Father Longenecker.

I guess I must start with my childhood.  My first memory involving church is my parents driving us 40 minutes each way to Mass because we lived in a small town that did not have a church.  I remember going to church in a building at the local Jaycees swimming pool before the local church building was put together (it was made of metal and tin, so I can't really say it was "built").  I remember serving at Mass, I remember youth group and CCD --I think those are called PRE now -- classes.  I  remember standing in the back of church prior to Mass with my best friend trying to get his grandfather to say inappropriate things too loudly, something that was entirely too easy to do! :)

Those were all pleasant memories, but not of much use when talking about knowing and understanding my Christian faith.  As a college kid I remember going to the campus catholic church and absolutely no one bothered to introduce themselves or welcome me.  I remember all the people acting very click-ish, a severe blow for someone like me whose comfort zone is being alone.  I remember having a personal crisis and finding the priest at the campus church neither comforting nor helpful.  I will admit to being very naive and immature about most things at that age, which played a large part in making what shouldn't have been such a big deal into a personal crisis.  However, not all about my father journey at college was lost.  I met and befriended a Benedictine Sister from Holy Angels Convent named Sister Lenor Dust.  She was the principal at the Catholic school in town and knew my mother.  She was wonderful.

A year after graduating from college I moved to Denver, where I lived for approximately a year.  I didn't go to church much then, although I still considered myself Catholic.  I just never found a place I was comfortable.

(to be continued . . .)



"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

To Blog or Not to Blog

“God doesn't require us to succeed, he only requires that you try.”
 
These words by  Saint Mother Teresa give me hope in my daily life. That someone so obviously filled with the Holy Spirit can entertain the struggles of failure, I know that I have hope in my failures.  These words also give me hope with this blog.  I started this blog sometime in 2009 with big ideas.  At the time those ideas were driven more by my ego than by God's calling, although I do still believe I was called to this.

In the three plus years since I made my first post I have been inhibited from posting like I would like by issues in my personal life.  I have also been prohibited from posting as regularly as I should by my own selfishness.  I have spent way too much time focusing on issues in my own head and heart and not focus on God's call in my life.  I can be honest with myself that selfishness has played a large part in my failings with this blog over the years, I just am not ready to deal with the amount that my failing to focus on anything by my self-pity has played.

Now I come to a cross roads.  In July I will have to make a decision on whether to re-up the domain name.  Certainly there is a large part of me that believes that the world and me would be better off if I kept whatever writings I may attempt to pencil and paper so that no one will have to stumble across this blog and endure my lack of writing skills.  But I will try, I will make an effort to post at least weekly over the next 5-6 weeks and see what happens.  If the Lord wills it, I want to do it. 


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Is God Alive?

"God is Not Dead"  This is a new, I guess you would call it "Christian," movie out.  My co-worker was telling me about it and I watched the trailer for it online, which got me to thinking.  Is God dead?  Before you can answer that question, you must first ask yourself, is God alive?  Depending on your point of view, but even as a Catholic I could say yes and I could say no.

Yes -- God became human as Jesus of Nazareth, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried.  On the third day He rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures.  (Hmm, now where have I heard that before . . .?) To the extent He lowered himself to become human, Jesus, fully God and fully human died, rose again and is still alive.

No -- God is. In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God and the Word was God.  If those first words of John's gospel are true (and any Christian would say that they are) then God cannot be alive, at least as we understand it.  Being alive implies that death is coming, or at least is an option.  God that is the creator of all things is above death and God being above death is also above (and beyond the concept of) being alive.

I have not seen the movie, but judging from the trailer and from the background of those involved with the movie I would bet it is the first answer that is presented in this movie.  It is precisely that answer or at least that approach to the question that, in my opinion, contributes to so many falling away from Christianity. It is that approach that leads people to use phrases like, as was used in the movie, "the big man in the sky" when referring to God.  When the fundamental explanation of God is done only* in the context of human existence and understanding, then it is easy to see why people lose faith.
*I use the term only there to emphasis that there certainly is a human context to God, after all God became human.  However, there is much more to a full understanding of God.

When given only in that limited context, the concept of God is also easily attacked   If what is means to believe in God is only presented as what is capable of being fully grasped by humanity (see Philippians 2:6) then it falls to the level of being another opinion.  If it is simply an opinion, then that opinion is subject to debate and also subject to being changed**.  When God is presented on the level of the gods of ancient Rome and Greece, then God is subject to being proven not to exist, just like those gods.

**It is also subject to being wrong, which cannot be if God is "the way the truth and the life."

The God that simply is cannot be proven to be alive or proven to be dead.  The God that created the universe is greater than all human understanding. God cannot be measured, grasped, controlled, manipulated or changed -- all things necessary for something to be understood. This is the God that we have to get back to professing and proclaiming.  It is only when we humble ourselves to accept that what we know of God (and what we can know of God) is only that which He has reveled can we begin to change our lives to live according to God's will.

It is only in living lives of sacrifice for and in service of others that we can change people's hearts.  It is only in reflecting the beauty of the Cross that we can bring others into sharing in God's Love.  It was the first Christians living and professing this sort of radical life that changed the world.  It is Christians having gotten way from this radical life that has fertilized the growth of the culture of death.  And it is only getting back to living and professing this life lived for and in service of others that is capable of changing humanity.

The Jews of Jesus time believed the Christ as foretold by the Prophets would come and defeat their worldly enemies.  Are we as modern day Christians any different?  Don't we want and pray for God to solve all our worldly problems, provide us with worldly goods?  The Gospels proclaim a different victory, a victory not measured in worldly terms.  How can we share in this victory and bring others into the Body of Christ unless we live by Christ's example?


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Over the past six months I have been dieting and started running, ok, well jogging (at best), again.  During this time I have also grown substantially in my faith.  One thing that I have learned over the last six months is the importance of slowing down -- that is ironic (in an Alanis Morissette sort of way) that someone who is focusing on running is worried about slowing down?  Slowing down and taking the time to be prayerful and thoughtful is something that is next to impossible in this world.  But that very thing is the only way I can grow in my faith life and grow in my leisure life.

One of the utmost joys I am re-discovering about running is the inability to lie to yourself.   Back more than a decade ago when I was running regularly I could always tell when I didn't eat properly or didn't stay on my jogging schedule.  Out on the road my body would let me know in no uncertain terms when I hadn't been doing what I was supposed to be doing leading up to that  day's jog. On the flip side, my body would reward me when I did eat well and stayed on schedule -- I would feel incredible during and after runs, I would get faster and be able to go further.

In the years before I first started jogging in the 90's and the time between  when I fell away and now, I found it all too easy to lie to myself.  In the beginning I would lie to myself that taking a few days, a some weeks, then a couple of months off wouldn't hurt and I could get right back to where I was.  However, the times  I  would actually get back out  on the road would be so difficult --  read, not as easy as I had been telling myself -- that it would multiply my frustration and cause me to not run more.  Rather than realizing I needed to scale back, slow down and pick up from less than where I was, I would get frustrated and fool myself into believing that I might  as well go longer between runs and eat/drink whatever I wanted because it was going to be hard either  way.  Of course this only cause more difficulties and less jogging.

I would lie to myself that I wasn't getting fatter.  No matter how much I ate and drank, I could lie to myself that it wasn't having an impact on my waistline or my health.  Even when my cloths started "shrinking" I could fool myself.  My favorite trick was, and still is, to trick myself into believing that I could devour whatever I wanted now and I would "make up for it later."  Of course, the payback part never came -- you know, those things that always get in the way of doing what you are supposed to do but don't want to do: friends, food, TV and any other visceral item that came along -- and I would continue to "borrow" against the future.  When I did actually do something like dishes, vacuuming, or even the smallest physical exertion would in my mind burn a lot more calories than what it did in reality.  Some times I was even like the federal government, I would use vacuuming to account for bad eating habits in the past and would allow me to gorge myself at a buffet that same day.  I was exceptional at lying to myself.

I still fight that same battle. I fight it with my eating.  I fight it with my exercise.  I fight it in my spiritual life. I fight it in every facet of my life.  I pray every day that God gives me the grace to, as Blessed John Paul II so beautifully said, "Be Still."  My soul craves the stillness -- God is found in the stillness and my heart longs for God.


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

"The Bible," Saul and the Conclave

Not sure if conclave should be capitalized, so let me start by apologizing if I get it wrong.  Last night I watched the second installment of the five-part mini-series, The Bible on the History Channel.  While the first installment was more interesting on the surface, the second installment was much deeper on reflection (and by reflection I of course mean a night of weird dreams).

The character of Saul in the Old Testament is one that I have never given much though about.  He was always the guy before the most important Old Testament person, King David.  After all, King David was the boy that killed Goliath, he wrote a great many of the Psalms and was the genetic line for Jesus.  Who was Saul other than, well, "not David"?  Oh boy, did last this last episode open my eyes.

Before I get into my thoughts on Saul, a couple of side notes.  First, you can tell that Catholics made this series.  In coming back to my Catholic faith as an adult I have grown to understand how much my reality has been shaped by a Protestant mind set – not surprising given that I grew up in the South.  My experience with Protestantism is that they focus much more on the New Testament and not so much on the Old.  In the New they tend to focus more on Paul, partially I think it is because he wrote half the New Testament, but also I think there is a whole lot of him being, well, “not Peter.”  But this series spends four of the five episodes on the Old Testament – a very Catholic thing in my view.  The other aside is that I am using a Year of Faith companion book from Magificat.  This booklet contains daily reflections on Faith and in doing so profiles over 120 Biblical characters.  Interestingly, Saul is not among them.

Anyway, back to the point.  As I said before, not much of an Old Testament kinda guy.  But this series has allowed me to rediscover Old Testament stories and sort of read along to get a more complete understanding.  What I read and watched last night about Saul has me fascinated.  Granted, it is only one night and more accurately a few hours, of what can only be loosely called study but Saul seems to be deep inside me.  On the surface Saul thinks he is a good king and honest servant of God.  However, he seems to know deep down that he is anything but.  He seems to want to portray and even believe that he is a good person but does things that demonstrate otherwise.  More important in my reflection is that Saul seems to want to really believe that he is doing the Will of God, a sort of belief about the person he wishes he was and not the person he actually was.  I can relate to that.  It has been less than three years now that I have come back to my Catholic faith.  Where I was prior to that was very Saul-like.  I wanted to pretend that I was a devote Catholic.  I wanted to put on the airs, even to myself, that I was something more than a CINO (Catholic In Name Only).  However, deep down I knew that I was a dangerous Catholic, dangerous because I knew just enough to believe I could defend my faith, but too ignorant to truly do so.  I have spent the last three years growing in my faith and in my understanding of what the Church teaches, trying to become less Saul and more Peter.

Since the announcement of the resignation of Pope Benedict I have had this uneasiness about the direction of the Church and the next Pope.  I have been fearful that the next Pope wouldn’t be as good as the last few (in my life time I have only known two popes, so I can’t really say much about those prior, other than they seem to have been good and devout men). I am of course prayerful that the Cardinals will follow the Holy Spirit and elect a good, strong Godly man, but I wonder (and I will admit a lack of faith plays a some part in my thoughts) if the Cardinals will allow Saul to infest the conclave and elect a Pope that seems to be good on the surface, but knows he is not up to the task.

I guess a lot of this trepidation comes from how the Church has handled the sex abuse crisis.  Seems to me that there is a large part of the political Cardinals, for lack of a better way of putting it, inside the Vatican that do not demonstrate a strong enough faith that “the gates of Hell shall not prevail” against the Catholic Church.  This leadership appears to be hiding behind large doors and beautiful art and not projecting itself as leaders that believe that Jesus will guide His Church.  My take is that the people who run the Church now do not want their failings as human beings exposed in a way I think would be cathartic to a lot of the faithful.  I pray that I am wrong.  I pray that this attitude will not overtake the conclave, that the Cardinals will let the Holy Spirit and not the ghost of Saul dominate their deliberations and guide their voting.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Same ol' sinner the same ol' sin - Lenten version

This is a line from a Third Day song (forgive me, but I am in a hurry and can't recall which of their many great songs it is from) that speaks to me about me.  Since I have come back to the Church, and even more-so while I was away, it seems that my confessional visits are broken records.  What I find odd is that even the more I study and grow in my understanding with God, it seems that my sin was the same.  Then came Lent. 

In listening to a podcast, and I sadly cannot remember which one, I got the idea of giving up sin for Lent.  It might sound odd, it certainly seemed odd to me while I considered it, giving up something or Lent that I am supposed to be giving up anyway.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is, at least for me at this time the perfect Lenten sacrifice.  After all, what is Lent about other than being more mindful of what takes us away from God?  What takes us away from God more than our mortal sin?  If there is something that is routinely keeping you away from the Eucharist, that is God in the flesh, what better way to get closer to God than not doing those thing? 

It is odd to me that what I cannot do for 325 days of they year I can do for 40 days in Lent - be it dieting, giving up diet Coke or whatever the change in my life that Lent seems to make possible.  It seems even more so with mortal sin.  Seems that the knowledge of the loss of Heaven would be more of a deterrent than Lent, but not in my weird mind.  But whatever it takes and so far I have been successful on this part of my Lenten vow.  And now, off to Mass . . .


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui