Tonight I am feeling bored and stressed at the same time. I have tons to do, but don't feel like doing anything and feeling like I need NEED to do something. I don't feel this way often because normally I have so much to do that I don't have the opportunity to feel bored. This feeling is more than boredom, its sort of hopeless too. I have been off of work this week and I have had the chance to pause and feel the title wave of life hit me. Work is beyond out of control, it is scary. I am sort of digesting the feeling of dissapointment from Arkansas not passing the medical marijuana law on election day.
This is a shitty way to feel on Thanksgiving. A day I should take a moment to take stock of all the blessings in my life and be thankful, I spend in self-pity. I can't say this is the first holiday I have felt this way, doubt it will be the last. I do have so much to be thankful for. I have a wife that I love and loves me. We are unquestionably each others best friend. No one knows me like her. The best part about our relationship is how she makes me better. Some how, in ways that I know she doesn't realize and I don't understand, she tears me down and builds me up at the same time. She makes me want to serve her more and more every day. She makes me want to give more and more of myself to her. She challenges me; she pushes me to improve. I want nothing more than to help her, to take away everything that brings her harm.
I wish she had the experience I have with my job. As horrible as my job is at times. As difficult as it is to deal with the children and families in horrible situations, it makes me appreciate all the blessings in my life. I guess in that odd way, every day of my life is Thanksgiving.
"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui
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