My wife is a self-described agnostic. She would probably be more accurately described at a agnostic atheist, or one who does not have belief in the existence of any deity, and agnostic because they do not claim to know that a deity does not exist. In fact, I have heard her say almost that exact thing several times.
I believe that one of the callings of my life is to convert her to Catholicism. One way I try to do this is by reasoning with her. While sitting outside this evening enjoying the lovely night air, listening to the Newsboys and reading The United States Catholic Catechism for Adults the thought popped into my head that "God is like electricity, absolute proof of either requires death." If she applied the level of proof my wife requires for belief in God to electricity only by feeling the electrical current coursing through her body, which would result in her death, could she truly believe that electricity exists. However, as with everyone in modern societies, she believes that electricity exists because she flips a switch and a light comes on (assuming the bill has been paid). Were she to apply that level of proof to God, she would need no more than pick up the bible and read to realize the effects of God made man. I hope and pray she opens her heart to the love of God without the death requirement.
"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui
The ramblings of a man who fell away from the practice of his Catholic faith, only to return upon the realization that he could no longer call himself Catholic without being fully in union with the Magisterium of the Catholic Chirch. This is about growing up Catholic and growing as a Catholic.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Delays and friends in need
I have gone and done it again. I fall into this mental trap where I don't feel like I have anything insightful or profound to say so I simply don't post anything for a long time. I have actually worked on three different posts since my last installment, but they are very long and will take some time. Every time I get like this I have to remind myself that if I am leaving the content of this site up to what comes from me, then I am in BIG trouble. Eventually, like now, I finally get it through my head (again) that if this site is going to have appeal to anyone, except maybe me, what I post on here will have to come from the Holy Spirit. Only words inspired by the Holy Spirit will make the kind of difference in people's lives I want to make. So, here goes . . .
I got a email type message (don't know exactly what to call them) on Facebook from a law school friend of mine about some trouble in his life. This friend has a history of drugs and gambling. In law school he would often times call to "borrow" money to pay off a bookie. Every time, true to his word, he would pay me right back within a very short time. He seemed to be a fairly good gambler, but gambling is one of those things that tends to catch up to you no matter how well you do it. Anyway, I get a message over the weekend saying he is stranded in Texas, estranged from his family, without a car and without money.
I must really be growing as a Catholic because I was able to stop my initial reaction before it came all the way out. My initial reaction a few years back would have been something very un-Catholic. But after giving some thought and reflection to this, I realized that it was OK to wonder what role his two bad habits played in his condition without being judgmental towards him. After all, he has a law degree and even if he hasn't passed the bar having a doctoral degree opens lots of doors. Last night I prayed over what I can do to help. I realized that I could send a small amount of money, but that really isn't going to help his situation. At the same time, I have family that could use what little money I could afford to send almost as much as this friend.
So now I am looking for ways to help him. I feel horrible that I cannot do more, but I have to find whatever I can to help him. I am hoping to find a way to help him with his long term issues, because I am powerless to help him with his immediate problems. If you know of help in the Houston area please let me know so I can pass it along to him. If you have any ideas of any kind please feel free to share.
I got a email type message (don't know exactly what to call them) on Facebook from a law school friend of mine about some trouble in his life. This friend has a history of drugs and gambling. In law school he would often times call to "borrow" money to pay off a bookie. Every time, true to his word, he would pay me right back within a very short time. He seemed to be a fairly good gambler, but gambling is one of those things that tends to catch up to you no matter how well you do it. Anyway, I get a message over the weekend saying he is stranded in Texas, estranged from his family, without a car and without money.
I must really be growing as a Catholic because I was able to stop my initial reaction before it came all the way out. My initial reaction a few years back would have been something very un-Catholic. But after giving some thought and reflection to this, I realized that it was OK to wonder what role his two bad habits played in his condition without being judgmental towards him. After all, he has a law degree and even if he hasn't passed the bar having a doctoral degree opens lots of doors. Last night I prayed over what I can do to help. I realized that I could send a small amount of money, but that really isn't going to help his situation. At the same time, I have family that could use what little money I could afford to send almost as much as this friend.
So now I am looking for ways to help him. I feel horrible that I cannot do more, but I have to find whatever I can to help him. I am hoping to find a way to help him with his long term issues, because I am powerless to help him with his immediate problems. If you know of help in the Houston area please let me know so I can pass it along to him. If you have any ideas of any kind please feel free to share.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Amazing life
The last few days have been very wonderful. Saturday I had a great confession and the Royals made some nice trades at the MLB trading deadline. Sunday I went to Mass and shared the Eucharist with my Catholic family. Then, the coup de grâce on Monday. I am immense blessed to have a job (I feel like this is in almost all of my posts, if it is, it is only because it is true) that pays me a decent wage and that I get to help those in need. At the same time, dealing with the lives of abused/neglected children and adults who are no longer physically or mentally able to care for themselves causes me a great deal of depression on many days. However, Monday was that rare day that made everything, every sacrifice, all the bureaucratic BS that comes with working for a state agency, all the long drives, the long hours, all the struggles, all the lives ruined, all the childhoods destroyed, everything, worth while.
My docket days (days I am in court) are almost always full days. I normally am either on the road or in court by 8:30 and get home at 6:00 at the earliest. Most of my counties do not come with a lunch break, or break of any kind, and I am involved in every case. Monday was one of two monthly docket days I have in my local county. After lunch the first case we took up was a case involving an elderly lady in her 90's who was taken into protective custody because some questions about her ability to care for herself. This is an amazing woman. I can only hope to be half as spry as this lady at 60-something much less 90-something. She was sharp, knew what was going on and kept an immaculate home. She may need some help around her house, but she certainly gave no appearance in court that she was ready for a nursing home. Her problem? Her children wanted to put her in a nursing home and take what little money and property she had.
I called the son to the witness stand first and started to question him about what he had been doing to and with his mother's property while she was away getting evaluated. He started lying almost immediately and didn't stop until he got off of the stand (to his credit I think he was truthful about his name and where he lived). It was a gross display vile human behavior. This man actually had a power of attorney and was on her bank accounts. He could have taken her money and property at any time, but he waits until she is in protective custody and at the hospital being examined -- a situation he most likely had some hand in bringing about. The most telling part was that his wife was in the courtroom when he testified but couldn't even tell the same lies he had just told. The son said he took a 22-inch flat screen TV from his mother's home because, according to him, his mother had said it wasn't working and had asked him weeks before to take it to his house and take a look at it (and he just happens to do it while she wasn't there). His wife gets on the stand a few minutes later and said her husband took the TV "for safe keeping." Mind you, this lady lives in a retirement community of around three thousand people.
At the end of the hearing, the judge ordered the son to return all property and money he had take by the end of the week. Needless to say, there were a lot of emotions in the courtroom, happiness on the part of myself, the lady, her attorney and my clients. Sadness on the part of this lady's son and daughter-in-law. I would like to think they also were embarrassed, but given that they have said they feel they were persecuted, I don't know how likely that is.
I know the Holy Spirit worked through me that day to rectify the situation for this lady, at least to what we know about. I hope and pray this family will be healed and this wonderful lady's children will realize the blessing they have in her and she will be able to forgive them.
Certainly I cannot talk about how great my life is without mentioning my wonderful wife. She is the most important person in my life and I would be much less of a person without her. I am doing this job and working where I work because of her and I thank God for her being a part of my life every day. I struggle with focusing on my blessings rather than what I don't have. I know the events of the last few days have really opened my eyes and heart to exactly how blessed I am. May God bless you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
My docket days (days I am in court) are almost always full days. I normally am either on the road or in court by 8:30 and get home at 6:00 at the earliest. Most of my counties do not come with a lunch break, or break of any kind, and I am involved in every case. Monday was one of two monthly docket days I have in my local county. After lunch the first case we took up was a case involving an elderly lady in her 90's who was taken into protective custody because some questions about her ability to care for herself. This is an amazing woman. I can only hope to be half as spry as this lady at 60-something much less 90-something. She was sharp, knew what was going on and kept an immaculate home. She may need some help around her house, but she certainly gave no appearance in court that she was ready for a nursing home. Her problem? Her children wanted to put her in a nursing home and take what little money and property she had.
I called the son to the witness stand first and started to question him about what he had been doing to and with his mother's property while she was away getting evaluated. He started lying almost immediately and didn't stop until he got off of the stand (to his credit I think he was truthful about his name and where he lived). It was a gross display vile human behavior. This man actually had a power of attorney and was on her bank accounts. He could have taken her money and property at any time, but he waits until she is in protective custody and at the hospital being examined -- a situation he most likely had some hand in bringing about. The most telling part was that his wife was in the courtroom when he testified but couldn't even tell the same lies he had just told. The son said he took a 22-inch flat screen TV from his mother's home because, according to him, his mother had said it wasn't working and had asked him weeks before to take it to his house and take a look at it (and he just happens to do it while she wasn't there). His wife gets on the stand a few minutes later and said her husband took the TV "for safe keeping." Mind you, this lady lives in a retirement community of around three thousand people.
At the end of the hearing, the judge ordered the son to return all property and money he had take by the end of the week. Needless to say, there were a lot of emotions in the courtroom, happiness on the part of myself, the lady, her attorney and my clients. Sadness on the part of this lady's son and daughter-in-law. I would like to think they also were embarrassed, but given that they have said they feel they were persecuted, I don't know how likely that is.
I know the Holy Spirit worked through me that day to rectify the situation for this lady, at least to what we know about. I hope and pray this family will be healed and this wonderful lady's children will realize the blessing they have in her and she will be able to forgive them.
Certainly I cannot talk about how great my life is without mentioning my wonderful wife. She is the most important person in my life and I would be much less of a person without her. I am doing this job and working where I work because of her and I thank God for her being a part of my life every day. I struggle with focusing on my blessings rather than what I don't have. I know the events of the last few days have really opened my eyes and heart to exactly how blessed I am. May God bless you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Mr. Snuffleupagus and God
I am supposed to be getting ready for a 1/2 day hearing tomorrow, but am instead reading links I got from twitter posts over the last two days. I was reading an article titled The Moral Dilemma of Agnosticism and was struck not only by the article and how it relates to my self-described agnostic wife, but by a comment to this article by someone going by the initials "smh" (posted on July 31, 2010 at 7:26 PM). "smh" said:
I think that, while thoughtful agnostics hold their position in good faith (pun intended), the key weakness in their argument is the mistaken conflation of two different senses of "know" -- the factual and the personal. They are hardly entirely to blame for that, as far too many Christian apologetics make the same mistake, and treat God as an abstract logical point to be proved, or an empirical datum to be verified by observation and experimentation, rather than a person who encounters and is encountered.
This got me thinking about how agnostics in general, and my wife in particular, really see God as Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. As a kid1, Mr. Snuffleupagus was a character on Sesame Street that Big Bird saw and no one else ever did.2 While I guess you can say I am fairly intelligent, I certainly am not on the level of deep thinkers as "smh" and the writer of the article. However, I am constantly debating, for a lack of a better word, my wife about proof of the exisentence of God. As with any good agnostic, she claims to want "proof" of the existence of God before she says she can believe. Of course, much to my dismay, no matter what I try, I cannot "prove" God's existence in a physical sense.
In my discussions with my wife I have hit on the same concept as this article and "smh." I ask her how she can believe that the Civil War happened because she can no more prove that it happened than I can prove God exists. I can show you artifacts and writings of people who were around in the time of Jesus and His teachings, but I cannot make Jesus appear to her face. In the same way she can only see artifacts and writings from the Civil War era, but cannot experience a battle for herself. I have also tried to relate her lack of belief in other ways. For instance, she hasn't the slightest clue as to how to make electricity or how it works (nor do I for that matter), yet she "believes" that every time she flips a light switch the light will turn on.
Those are my simpleton attempts at relaying, "the mistaken conflation of two different senses of "know" -- the factual and the personal."3 I will never be able to factually prove God exists, even to myself. I can only know He exists because I have a personal relationship with Him. It is through this personal relationship that I know He exists. Oddly, my wife and I met on the internet and there was a period of time where she didn't know that I existed, at least with regard to what my physical characteristics were. Yet she believed, I guess, what I told her and the images I sent her of me.
Back to Mr. Snuffleupagus. Only Big Bird "believed" he existed because only Big Bird had a personal relationship with him (her/it?). The other residents of Sesame Street didn't have this relationship with Mr. Snuffleupagus and therefore didn't believe he (she/it?) existed. It wasn't until Mr. Snuffleupagus appeared to other residents that they finally realized that Big Bird wasn't crazy this whole time.
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1I remember listening to the Catholics Next Door a while back and they were talking about re-runs of Sesame Street from the 70's being put out on DVD. "Sesame Street: Old School" DVD's have a disclaimer that says "Welcome to 'Sesame Street Nostalgia.' I am Bob, your host, and I want you to know that these early 'Sesame Street' episodes are intended for grown-ups and may not meet the needs of today's pre-school child."
2I wonder if that fact in and of itself was intended as a comment on religion by the creators of Sesame Street??3I am truly in awe of people who can think at such a high level to be able to say things like that.
Eighteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
"Think of what is above, not of what is on earth." Colossians 3:2. In reading the Scripture passages for today this one passage struck me as particularly applicable to my struggles. As an attorney for the state I make a good living, but of course nowhere near the income I could make in private practice. But I find myself often pondering what I don't have. I find myself not necessarily wishing for for more wealth but rather daydreaming about what I could do if I more income or if this debt or that debt was paid off.
These desires are not necessarily always selfish - although they often are. I often think of how I could better use this "extra" or "freed-up" money to benefit needy causes or to make life better for my wife. But even that is thinking of "what is on earth." My worrying and wishing is no different than what is describe in the first reading. By wishing my money can go to other things or that my work produced more money is "vanity of vanities," i.e., supremely futile. Ecclesiastes 1:2. As Ecclesiastes goes on to say (2:23), the time I spend on these worries is vanity.
My thoughts should be focused on the gifts, blessings and graces I have been given - certainly I am blessed beyond my what I could ever hope to deserve. After all, in a time of 10% unemployment, that I have been blessed with a job, much less a very good job, and a home that is more than suitable for myself and my wife is more than I could ever hope to deserve. But maybe it is a coping mechanism. I do have a very difficult and stressful job. (I appreciate that many have stress in their job but working with abused children and adults has its own brand of stresses.) Maybe allowing my thoughts to go astray has more to do with coping with stress than actual covetousness. But even if that were true, would it not be better to use prayers of praise and thanksgiving to God for the many other blessings in my life? At least then, wouldn't I have some labor to show from my coping and rather than being vanity of vanities. Such prayer and reflection would open my mind and heart to a greater relationship with God.
I guess it is true that prayer is always the answer. The sooner I get this through my head and know that turning to God with all things, good and bad, is what He expects and wants, the sooner I will be able to store up the treasures of what matters to God. (Luke 12:21). Amen. May God bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
These desires are not necessarily always selfish - although they often are. I often think of how I could better use this "extra" or "freed-up" money to benefit needy causes or to make life better for my wife. But even that is thinking of "what is on earth." My worrying and wishing is no different than what is describe in the first reading. By wishing my money can go to other things or that my work produced more money is "vanity of vanities," i.e., supremely futile. Ecclesiastes 1:2. As Ecclesiastes goes on to say (2:23), the time I spend on these worries is vanity.
My thoughts should be focused on the gifts, blessings and graces I have been given - certainly I am blessed beyond my what I could ever hope to deserve. After all, in a time of 10% unemployment, that I have been blessed with a job, much less a very good job, and a home that is more than suitable for myself and my wife is more than I could ever hope to deserve. But maybe it is a coping mechanism. I do have a very difficult and stressful job. (I appreciate that many have stress in their job but working with abused children and adults has its own brand of stresses.) Maybe allowing my thoughts to go astray has more to do with coping with stress than actual covetousness. But even if that were true, would it not be better to use prayers of praise and thanksgiving to God for the many other blessings in my life? At least then, wouldn't I have some labor to show from my coping and rather than being vanity of vanities. Such prayer and reflection would open my mind and heart to a greater relationship with God.
I guess it is true that prayer is always the answer. The sooner I get this through my head and know that turning to God with all things, good and bad, is what He expects and wants, the sooner I will be able to store up the treasures of what matters to God. (Luke 12:21). Amen. May God bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
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