Unlike Chamillionaire, I am not "ridin' dirty," but I certainly feel dirty tonight; even after having a nice jog and shower. As an attorney for the state doing juvenile dependency/neglect cases I am greatly blessed to have a job I like that also enables me to respond to God's call in my life. However, today, for the first time, I don't feel like I did something good. I had a case where a young man had made accusations of inappropriate touching by his father. After interviewing the child I firmly believed that he was making up these accusations in an attempt to be able to stay in a home where he could continue a relationship with someone his father didn't approve of.
I put forward the case my client wanted and called the young man to testify. He testified to what he said had happened and the father, without an attorney, didn't cross examine him to punch holes in his testimony. So, the only witness that the court heard was the young man, and there was nothing done to attempt to challenge his testimony.
The father, who is surely was not a perfect parent, didn't do the things he was accused of doing - at least in my opinion. However, the father fell into that large crack in American society that he made too much to be afforded a court appointed attorney, but didn't make enough to actually be able to afford to hire one to represent him. Despite my best efforts to persuade the father to ask for a continuance and hire an attorney, he didn't. Like so often when people try to navigate the legal system alone, he got run over. I feel horrible about this and feel a great injustice was done.
As G.K. Chesterton talked about in Heretics, Christians are called on to work for more then justice; we are called on to give charity. Chesterton defines justice as giving to those what they are entitled to, or deserve. He defines charity as giving those same things to those who don't deserve them. I feel a large sense of failure as a Christian tonight because my ethical responsibilities over-rode my moral ones. Not only was this man run ruff-shot over today, so was my soul. I know that I can go to God and lay this at his feet and pray that His will be done. I pray that this child's father knows the same.
The ramblings of a man who fell away from the practice of his Catholic faith, only to return upon the realization that he could no longer call himself Catholic without being fully in union with the Magisterium of the Catholic Chirch. This is about growing up Catholic and growing as a Catholic.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The ever continuing brilliance of U2
I have to admit that most of the songs I have heard off of U2's most recent offering No Line On The Horizon (ok, so this really came out over a year ago) doesn't really do anything for me -- I say this as someone who has seen U2 live three times as many times as I have any other artist. I really found this last album to be a big disappointment. Then, I watched a re-play of a show they did for the BBC on a building top about the time the album came out and heard Breathe. I have read where Bono said that is the best song on the album -- I agree, that guitar line grabs you by the spine and won't let you go. As is often the case with so many U2 songs, Bono seems to hide little uplifting, very spiritual lines in songs. In doing more digging on this song I have discovered several different versions they do in live performances:
I also looked up the lyrics on several "lyric pages" that have the lyrics all wrong. Anyway, this version has these lines that will give me a great deal to reflect on as I drive across south Arkansas at 7:00 tomorrow morning:
Every day I, die again and again I'm reborn
Every day I, have to find the courage
to walk out into the street with arms out
people we meet are not knocked down (another version has: not knowing defeat, neither down or out)
there's nothing you have that I need,
I can breath
Breathe now
I find it so powerful to think about how true that is, how we have to find the courage each day to get up and face a world that grows in hatred for Christians each day. Each day we have to find the courage to walk out with arms out to the people we meet. It is Christ that I find that courage. It is in knowing that Christ died on the cross for my sins and finding rebirth in the love of the Holy Ghost each day.
I also think the line "there's nothing you have that I need" is a direct statement to the world, and should be one we as Christians make at every opportunity. The world has nothing to offer us. The world is sin, the world is devil's playground and we should reject its siren song. It is only through God's grace that rejecting sin is possible. It is, as Bono sings later in this song, "I've found grace that's all I've found, now I can breathe."
I also looked up the lyrics on several "lyric pages" that have the lyrics all wrong. Anyway, this version has these lines that will give me a great deal to reflect on as I drive across south Arkansas at 7:00 tomorrow morning:
Every day I, die again and again I'm reborn
Every day I, have to find the courage
to walk out into the street with arms out
people we meet are not knocked down (another version has: not knowing defeat, neither down or out)
there's nothing you have that I need,
I can breath
Breathe now
I find it so powerful to think about how true that is, how we have to find the courage each day to get up and face a world that grows in hatred for Christians each day. Each day we have to find the courage to walk out with arms out to the people we meet. It is Christ that I find that courage. It is in knowing that Christ died on the cross for my sins and finding rebirth in the love of the Holy Ghost each day.
I also think the line "there's nothing you have that I need" is a direct statement to the world, and should be one we as Christians make at every opportunity. The world has nothing to offer us. The world is sin, the world is devil's playground and we should reject its siren song. It is only through God's grace that rejecting sin is possible. It is, as Bono sings later in this song, "I've found grace that's all I've found, now I can breathe."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, Tuesday, happy day
While it is not completely happy because my wife is ill, I find myself being more content and less worried as I make a conscious effort to focus on being a better person and living my life the way God would want -- I assume this is a good thing. Tomorrow should be a big test, as I have to drive all over south Arkansas, have a hearing in the morning and prep a 17-year old for his court testimony in the afternoon. If I am able to keep my patience through that it will be a successful day.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I'm back
Not that there is anyone reading this to know, but as I was working in the yard today I saw birds flying from tree to tree and began to think about the beauty their song. At that moment I realized that birds don't sing for the enjoyment of others, they sing because that is what God made them to do. For all of my life I have struggled with how to pray. I do great with little short prayers throughout the day, but sitting (or kneeling) down at a certain time of day to focus on God and my relationship with God has always been a struggle for me. I made a focused and conscious daily attempt to pray a part of my Lenten activities (for lack of a better word) this year. I did well for most of Lent at putting in the time, even if it was sometimes awkward. But, as most Lenten resolutions (again, cannot really find the right word for it), I have struggled post-Easter. There always seems to be some excuse I have made at the end of the day, always something else that seems more important in the moment than prayer.
As with a great many things in my life, I struggle with making the right decision in the moment. I assume most people do, and that is how we get into trouble, i.e., commit sin. I struggle with that with food and with prayer. So, there I am, struggling to make my back yard presentable, thinking about the birds and I realize, just like the birds sing because that is what God has made them to do, so has God made us, and more specifically me, to worship Him, to praise Him. I thought, if I cannot do in a "normal" way by kneeling each night and reflecting in prayer I will do it on here, since no one reads this anyway. This will be my own little journal of prayer. So, if you have somehow stumbled upon this blog, I hope God has worked through me in some way to reach you.
As with a great many things in my life, I struggle with making the right decision in the moment. I assume most people do, and that is how we get into trouble, i.e., commit sin. I struggle with that with food and with prayer. So, there I am, struggling to make my back yard presentable, thinking about the birds and I realize, just like the birds sing because that is what God has made them to do, so has God made us, and more specifically me, to worship Him, to praise Him. I thought, if I cannot do in a "normal" way by kneeling each night and reflecting in prayer I will do it on here, since no one reads this anyway. This will be my own little journal of prayer. So, if you have somehow stumbled upon this blog, I hope God has worked through me in some way to reach you.
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