Do I have to be happy?

Over the past few months I have been doing a great deal of struggling in the past few months in dealing with all the things in my life. One of the things that's has resulted from this is questioning in my mind about whether or not one can have the Love and Grace of God and have a bad disposition. 

To put it another way, can not may and not should but is it possible to live a truly Christian life and do so with a bad attitude?  I am reminded of the words of Saint Paul in Phillipians where he talks about if his jailers kill him he will be with God and if they free him he can go on preaching God's word in the world and either way is a win. How can I read that passage, take it into me and not be joyous?  

Let me be clear about one thing. I am not talking about being grumpy or having bad days every now and again.  I am talking about despising what Godis calling me to do. I mean can I truly give my life to God, do my best to let my will succumb to His and be mad about it?

Contemplation and Love

"Show us your goodness present in every creature – that we may contemplate your glory everywhere." 

This is from the Intercessions from the morning prayer in the liturgy of the hours today. 

I often make a point to take time to look at the natural world around me and to let its beauty and magesty awe me. The harder thing is to look at the people around me and be in awe. It is much easier look at the people around me, be jealous of some of them, feel superior to some of them, be disgusted by some of them, but above all find faults in all of them.

How do I contemplate God's Glory in the person that had just cut me off in traffic? How do I contemplate God's Glory in the homeless man on the street corner?  How do I contemplate God's Glory in those that hate me?

My favorite podcast "Catholic Stuff You Should Know" is thankfully back after months of being on a break. This podcast is done by priests from Denver. In this week's episode they talk about why they had a long break, were discussing 1 Correnthians 13 and all that Love is. They made a point that we are called  to be all things that Love is, not parts. I know I am good at some of the things Love is and need lots of work on others. 

Lord, may we grow in love for you and for all that you created. May we show that Love to the least among us and cast away all selfish and prideful thoughts. It is only by your Grace that we grow in Love for those around us and Love them as You Love us. 

Today

I have many more questions in my heart than answers. I have more troubles in my mind than in my life. I have plenty of time and not enough prayer. I have far too much sin on my heart. 

Focus is now and always has been my problem, in life and in prayer. The inability to stay focused and the lack of a will to focus on the right things. Failure to focus on the a indent good in my life. Failure to focus on anyone but myself. 

Anger

Things have transpired at my work this past week that have caused me to have a lot of anger in my heart.  I am not sure if I would call what I feel hatred, but it is awful close. What the events were are not important, but lets just say that a ball was dropped and big trouble was had.  One particular person has been on a rampage blaming me ever since and I find myself in a position I am not accustomed to, I am not sure how to respond.

I am a grand master, gold medalist, world champion at lashing out in response.  I am world class at responding out of anger and going straight for the kill shot.  One of the things I have worked very hard at checking that sort of response. It is the next step and what is the appropriate way to respond that has me bumfuzzled. 

I must admit that somewhere in there is mixed in sadness because my superiors are not supporting me.  I don't know how much of a roll that plays in my level of confusion, but it certainly is a part.  Part of the problem also is that I have a new supervisor, one that isn't familiar with the history between this person lashing out and me. A history of her making wild outlandish accusations toward me and not being called on them by her superiors or mine.

I will just have to continue to pray for peace and grace.  I knew a time of desolation was coming, I had been enjoying the blessing of an extended period of consolation.  I will continue to trust in God.


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Psalm 33 (or 34)

In the past few months I have been reading the Douay Rhemis version of the Bible.  The US Bishops dictate that New American Bible (NAB) is used during Mass, but the more I study the scriptures, the more I find that version wanting.  For several years now I have had an app for my phone with different translations of the Bible.  In sticking with the Bishops I have always read the NAB.  The Douay Rhemis is a difficult read as it is written in a style of English that is not used today.  Whereas, the NAB is written for a broad audience.

It is this difficulty that has made my reading of the scripture come alive.  Because it is more difficult to understand, I have to think about what I am reading.  When I read a verse in the Douay Rhems, I have to restate it in my mind in a way that I can understand -- into my own words.  In doing this I process the verse and take into myself.  With the NAB, which is more plainly written, I find myself more prone to not take the words into myself and they just slip through my consciecness. 

Somewhere along the line of the different translations the numbering of the Psalms got mixed up.  I don't know why or when it happened, or any other details about it, I just know that the numbering is different depending on what translation you a reading. In the middle of this Psalm,  it says, "Who is the man that desireth life: who loveth to see good days?" Psalm 33:13. (See what I mean about the language of the Douay Rhems?)  The NAB translate that to, "Who among you loves life, takes delight in prosperous days?" Psalm 34:13.

What does that mean, to "love life," or more applicably, how does the person that "loves life" live?  A modern person might say it means to go out and do those things that you like.  Another might say it means to do things that make you feel alive.  Some might say it means to enjoy family and friends.  It is easy to see where a self-centered mind set can take this verse and profess it to be Biblical approval for doing whatever the individual wants.  The modern approach to perfection is seen in outward, physical beauty.  This may be in owning the best car, the newest smartphone, the biggest house, the fanciest furnishing, the right look.

For those of us who seek something more than the endless and hopeless task of fulfilling our every concupiscent desire, the answer to that question is much more complex. It is this search that informs the very basis of our, or at least my, Christian life.  How do I manifest my desire for eternal life?  What do I view as a "good day"?  More importantly, how do I keep my perspective being that today being is good/prosperous day even when things are bad? The only answer I have is PRAYER.  It is through prayer that I have found the ability to have the joy that is knowing God love you and will provide for you.  It is this joy which keeps me balanced.   It is this joy that keeps me striving to empty myself and allow God to fill me.  The harder I work at emptying my will, the more he fills me up.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

So much for that

We had the good fortune of have Father Longenecker speak at our Parish a while back. His talk has inspired my series of posts (so far there has been only two, so I guess that makes a series?) about my faith journey. One of the pieces of advice he gave me about blogging is to post something every day.  Well, reality is that with my job and marital responsibilities I just can't do that.  However, I am taking a week's vacation this week and I wanted to post something all nine days.  It only took until day two for me to fail.  Yay me!

I did make a pretty awesome discovery about myself yesterday.  One of the ways I have grown in my faith is my appreciation for the Eucharist, which is a really unsuitable way of saying what I mean.  Yesterday at Mass, my tummy was feeling upset.  Normally I would have ducked out of the pew and went straight home.  But yesterday, I found myself fighting that urge because I wanted and needed to stay to receive the Eucharist.  It was something that I am growing ever more in love with and have a longing for every day.

Hmmm, that gives me an idea, maybe I will try daily mass a few times this week and see what that brings.
 

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Uncharted territory

 My parents instilled in my a very strong work ethic. (I think we should create a new word called worthic which means "worth ethic."  I am going to google that word in a few days and see if this post comes up.)  Anyway, I am taking a week-long vacation for the first time in a long time.  My goal is to post something, even it is something small, every day.  I want to see what I can come up with when I don't have the pressures of my "real job" on a daily basis. 

I started reading Father Longenecker's book More Christianity.*  In this book, Father Longenecker sets out to explain the Catholic faith in its fullness to an Evangelical Protestant.  I hope it inspires me to start to forulate a presentation I have in my head that I want to give at my local parish for non-Catholics in the community setting out why we believe what we believe.  In a world where I get what I want, I would have Father Longeneck's book read and most of that presentation completed by the end of my vacation.  We will see how that goes . . .

*that is another goal of my vacation week is to read at least that book.


One thing I think about a lot when it comes to our Protestant brothers and sisters is how they get to the believes they do.  One large sticking point is of course the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.  One of the ways I have devised to discuss this issue with a Protestant who would be willing to have an open conversation about it (something that is hard do to because: 1) religion is an emotional hot button issue for many; and 2) no one wants to admit they are wrong -- me or anyone.)  But my question is intended more for them to think than attempting to force them to any admission of a shortcoming. 

Here are the following preconditions necessary for the question, but all are sure to be readily admitted to and full-heartily believed by every self-professed Christian:

1) Jesus died for our sins on the cross;
2) Jesus rose from the dead; and
3) at the very end of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus says He will be with us always.

With those givens in place, here is the question:

If Jesus is alive and will be with us always, where is the alive body of Christ in your Church? 

I would expect some precarious verbal gymnastics and dancing around the issue.  And that's fine.  But the question isn't intended to put them on the spot and demands an immediate answer.  The question is hopeful to make them think and question the foundations of their denomination (it just hit me, does that word not sound an awful lot like demon? -- makes me wonder even more if the division of Jesus' people was not wrought by Luther, a lot like Lucifer . . . ?)






"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Jesus gets into my boat

I just finished watching Father Robert Barron's Catholicism Series.  I had watched all of the episodes except the DVD which had episodes 7 and 8.  Episode 8 is about the Communion of Saints.  Father Barron talks about how the lives of the saints are started by Grace entering into their lives uninvited. Father Barron calls the viewer's attention to Luke chapter 5 where Jesus gets into Peter's boat uninvited and starts giving orders.  Jesus tells Peter to go out into the deep waters set out his nets.  To this Peter replies that they have been fishing all night and have caught nothing.  Wisely, Peter does as Jesus says and hauls in more fish than the boat could hold.  It is this intersession of God's grace that Father Barron says the indivdual must conform his/her life to and cooperate with. 

I strive to be a saint.  It is my desire to die to myself and live the life of God.  Each day I ask God to bend my will towards his and to let me do what glorifies Him.  Reflecting back on the where this desire first started taking hold, I have to look to the spring and summer of 2007.  I married my wife in January 2007.  If you have read any of the past posts on this cite you may know that my wife is an atheist/agnostic.  The decision to stay in a relationship with her was one that I entered into only after great reflection and prayer.  At that time, in my professional life, I had just started to get my law firm off of the ground.  We finally started to make money.  However, as God is known to do, he starts my path toward His will with difficulty and trials.  My wife had received Social Security benefits through her father -- she was disabled as a child and had never worked enough on her own to become eligible.  So when we married, that monthly check and equally as importantly her medicaid ended.

It was at this time that it was all on my shoulders.  We lived in a very nice apartment, had just purchased her a new car that was accessible for her to drive and had a nice foundation for a materially comfortable life.  It was in this moment that God interceeded and interjected His plan into my life -- and I didn't have a clue. With the loss of income we had to move to a cheaper place to live, one that was closer to my work.  So, we moved to the same town where my law practice was into a much less comfortable apartment -- the complex had to remove a toilet it one of the bathrooms so that Tamara could get into the bathtub.  Mind you, it was no slum, but certainly less than where we had been.

Tam was miserable.  We never unpacked most of our belongings.  Our living room was filled with boxes.  Tamara didn't get out of bed for almost the whole 6-months we lived there.  It was during this time that she got the idea of moving to El Dorado.  She had a house that her mother had deeded to her that was sitting empty.  Honestly, I was miserable in my work and things were not looking good.  At that time we set out on the path of driving the 3 hours to El Dorado every weekend to clean out the house and the storage units her mother had stuff in.  When I say stuff, let me tell you, there was a lot of stuff.  During that time I started applying for jobs with the state because I knew it had good insurance with no per-existing exclusions for Tamara's disability.  I also knew that paying for her medications and supplies every month out of pocket was a financial drain and any sort of major problem would be a catastrophy for us and my law practice.

Working as the Lord does when he wants you to do something, everything fell into place.  I found a job working for the state in child welfare.  A friend who lived in the town where I was in practice wanted to come back and was able to step-in and take over my cases.  We got a loan for the house that Tam's mother had given her and fixed it up to be more accessable than it already was -- no toilets to remove here! 

During my time after law school I had fallen away from the Church.  I still considered myself "catholic," but had no idea what that really meant.  Even after moving to El Dorado (pronounced like "tornado") I didn't attend Mass.  Oh, I would go with my dad whenever he was down to help us with the house, but that was all.  Oddly enough though, it was my atheist/agnostic wife that pushed me back to the Church.  It was in her challenges to my poorly catechized religious foundation that caused me to seek out what it really meant to be Catholic.  It is in this journey that I have grown to become aware of God's call in my life, or more actually, to seek out awareness of God's call in my life. 

It is in these challenges that I have responded to with a giving of myself to and for her.  It is in these challenges that I have giving myself to and for the children of the counties I serve.  It is in these challenges that I have found true happiness.  That I have found that the only thing that will fill my soul is what Father Barron calls the divine chemistry, or something like that.  It is only in giving of myself that I am truly fulfilled. It is this emptying of myself for my wife and for those less fortunate that I am closer to God.  It is in this that I have found true happiness, happiness unlike anything that I could have ever imagined possible.  It is in this that I have found proof of God's existence.  And it all started when Jesus stepped into my boat and ordered me into the deep.  It is only possible because of God's Grace and my cooperation with it. 

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Hello, hello again

It has been some time since I have been able to post.  I have a few bigger posts on my brain. It seems odd that a few things have all sort of collided together for me this week.  I listen to Father Robert Barron's podcast on the Sunday weekly readings.  I listen to a podcast by 3 now priests but started as seminarians called Catholic Stuff You Should Know.  They haven't put out a new episode in a while, so I am re-listening to old episodes.  I am also reading a blog called "Those Catholic Men."  (One of the priests is a contributer for that blog.)  All three co-ensided with one topic, that being a Christian, the reality of being a Christian is about relationships.  This has really hit me. 

I have a lot to think about on this, but my initial thoughts are this . . . it makes sense.  Of course!!!  If we as humans are made in the image and likeness of God, the question becomes what image is that?  I think you have to accept 2 points: 1)  God is Love; and 2) the fact of the Trinitarian God.  If those two things are true, our increasingly inward looking, self-centered society has gone further and further away from the Christianity that converted the Roman Empire.

These are truths that my life experienced has cemented as true.  It took the convergence of those three voices to people like me for it to crystallize in my mind's eye.  It was an a-ha moment that has radically changed my outlook, but somehow has always informed. it.  I can't explain it, other than to say it is old and new at the same time.  Something I just learned and have always known.  Something I don't completely understand, but can't wait to contemplate and apply to my life.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Everything's Right is Wrong Again

The result is a catalogue of disharmony in the service of contemporaneity, an artefact that is already ossifying into a 1990s design style. It is a style that presumes that more is hipper than less, confusion is better than simplicity, fragmentation is smarter then continuity, and that ugliness is its own reward.

In reading an article on Catholic Exchange on using pop culture in the New Evangelization referenced a phrase, "the cult of the ugly."  Interested in that I "googled" the phrase "cult of the ugly" to see who coined that phrase.  In doing so I found an article on graphic design from the early/mid 90's by a man named Steven Heller.  In that article was the above quote.

The piece was a ravaging of what was then called "post-modern" design in the graphic arts world.  It is filled with a vast array of ideas applied to the artist's craft.  It is also about graphic design, very useful and necessary profession, but not one of any interest to me.  The article, and the quote above particularly, got me to thinking about how his point can apply to all phases of life, including Christianity.

Mr. Heller speaks many truths in his article, truths that apply to more than the world of graphic design.  I think the main point of his article is that there has to be some higher standard and that the "post-modern" concept of throwing away the old rules and making new rules as the individual sees fit doesn't work.  However, a quick review of the history of the Catholic Church shows that this too is not a new idea.

We see this in the words of Martin Luther and other sixteenth century "reformers." They too wanted to throw out the old, i.e., the Catholic Church, and put in place their own ideas of what should be the basis of Christianity.  Much like the post-modern design artists decried by Mr. Heller, the "reformers" wanted to set aside what they saw as corrupt and broken in the Church and replace it with their own ideas.*  Even if Luther and the other "reformers" started out with the right intentions, they quickly devolved into exercises in egomanicalism. 

*there undoubtedly were many things that needed changing in the Church at the time, parts were broken and corrupt.

The question then becomes how do we apply this experience to our own lives.  In our own day we see things like the priest sex abuse scandal, the Vatican banking scandal, the dissident voices from the clergy on modern social and moral issues and even dare I say many Church leaders living lives of luxury while so many suffer in poverty.  It isn't hard to look at these things and feel, like those "reformers" of old that the Church is beyond saving and a new body must be formed.

It is that very line of thinking that has led to the founding of thirty-some thousand denominations.  It is this type of thinking that leads us from the Church and to sin.  It leads us away from God.  It is this self-focused thought that leads us away from our "neighbors," as Christ described them in the parable of the Good Samaritan.  It is the other that we must strive to be focused on.  It is the needs of our fellow man and not our own desires that we should strive to make our life's work. 

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

More on prayer

In trying to post more articles, I have found myself typing thoughts that are more incomplete than normal. I feel my last post was rushed and didn't fully state my complete thoughts on prayer and where my prayer has evolved/grown.

First, I want to share this link.  It is a very good article on prayer and praying as a community.

I ended last time with talking about how I often simply pray for God to do his will in my life.  It is my fervent desire to lose myself and do the Lord's will.  I am always praying for that, then turning right around and allowing (or purposefully placing -- as the case may be) myself in the way of that very thing.  In the past few years I have been blessed to give more and more of myself to my wife and my job.  Each time I feel like I am simply too exhausted and have nothing more to give, I ask God to show me how to give more.  In turn, when I am shown how to do that, I fight it tooth and nail.  I fight it out of fear, pride and impatience.

Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failure.  Fear of not knowing what should be done.  All those fears are sins. Those fears arise because of a lack of faith.  Those fears are the same fear that Peter felt when Jesus had him get out of the boat and walk on the water to Jesus.  When Peter would not keep his eyes on Christ, he sank.  The fear is that I will sink, when I know all I have to do is keep my eyes on Christ.

Pride.  Wow, what a word.  I could talk about pride for days and not even get close to scratching the surface.  I am not sure who, but I know someone once said that pride is the root of all sin (or something similar).  I think that is so brilliant in it simplicity and it truth.  Every sin I do or fail to do is essentially because I am choosing myself over God.  It is this choosing myself that makes it difficult to give up oneself, sort of a instinct reaction left over from original sin, maybe.  I don't know.  Either way, my constant want to please myself -- even though I know in my head that in the long run God's will is the better option -- gets in the way.  Sort of like the fleshly desire for instant gratification is to the self mastery learned through abstinence and fasting.

Finally impatience.  I think this might be an American specialty.  We live in a throw-away, microwave, fast food society.  What we see and are conditioned to expect is instant results, instant opinions and instant news.  I am just as guilty as anyone.  I get impatient when my computer takes longer than I expect to boot up.  I get upset when I have to wait at a stop light.  I mumble under my breath when someone is not going fast enough at the grocery store in line in front of me. 

I need to learn to pray for other besides myself.  But when I pray for myself, I need to pray for the grace to over come my price, fear and impatience.  I need to trust in the Lord that he will hear my cry and pour out his blessings for me when I conform myself to his will.

Hmm, like writing about prayer. Maybe I should go pray for how to better write about prayer . . . oh wait, not so much about me  . . . I forget . . .

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

The Elusiveness of Prayer

As I will detail more fulling in the future parts of my faith journey series of posts (you can see part 1 here), I was a dangerously lapsed Catholic heading into my late 30's.  When I decided to reconnect with the Catholic faith I never really knew as a youth, I decided that I must know what that faith means, and as St. Peter writes, be able to give a reason for the hope that it in me (1 Peter 3:15).  Another thing I understood I must be able to do was pray.  Growing up I had memorized all the prayers in the Mass.  I knew the Hail Mary, the Glory Be and the Our Father.  I had a book that contained dozens of prayers.  I knew where to go to find prayers, but I didn't know how to pray.

Since I have started my new faith journey I have leaned heavily on podcasts.  I download them and listen to them as I drive for work, work in the yard or exercise.  One of the first ones I listened to was a series on prayer by Dr. James Dobbins.  I knew that how to pray would be something I would need to be able to do.

So here I am some 4-years into my "Coming Home" and I still don't know how how to properly pray.  I guess it is the definition of "proper" that I am hung up on.  I think part of my problem is, well, lets be honest, a large part of my problem is that I don't make the time to pray.  I get too caught up in all the other things I have to do, my mind gets so wrapped up in my own problems that I simply fail to take time each day to converse with God.  Not to say my day is totally devoid of attempts to speak to and listen to God.  I pray each day that God will do his will in my life, that I will more fully surrender myself to God.  I pray most days for God to show me how to let go of myself and grab onto him.  Several times per week I read the Magnificat.  Each time I am confronted with reminded of someone in need, I say a little prayer for them.

Maybe it is my own unrealistic expectations.  Maybe it is my never being satisfied with where I am and what I am doing.  I don't know.  But I am trying to be not be so hard on myself for what I am not doing in my prayer life and concentrating on ways to improve.

"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Memorial Day and the reluctant heroes

Happy Memorial Day.  Today is a national holiday to honor those who have lost their lives in defending our freedoms.  This post will not be about how those freedoms have been evaporating like a clear mist before our eyes.  Rather, I want this to be a reflection on what the sacrifice those men and women should mean to me and you.

I will be honest that Memorial Day has never been high on the list of important holidays for me.  I guess part of it is that I don't know anyone and am not related to anyone who lost their lives in battle.  This holiday has simply been another day off of work/school.  I say that not in an attempt to justify or support these feelings but as an admission of my failures.  I should be more thankful for those men and women and more reverant to their sacrifice. 

Our Lord said that there is no greater love than to give ones life for ones friends.  Christ gave his life for not just his friends, but for his enemies -- for those who hate him.  In some way these soldiers have done the same.  Those brave men and women gave their lives in the belief that the idea of America, that the idea of freedom is something worth dying for.  Those soldiers gave their lives, not just for those that agreed with them on political and other issues of the day, but for those who disagreed with them and opposed what the soldier may have believed in.

I do not think it is fair to paint all those who have lost their lives in battle with such an idealistic brush.  To be sure, there are those who were drafted into the armed forces and died that did not want to fight, that did not believe in the cause.  This is no reason to disparage their memory or to honor them any less.  In some ways they were simply pawns of history. In some ways they are victims of the worst part of humanity.  Ultimately, I think they are best viewed as exceptional heroes.  Those men and women may have had little to no choice in fighting and dying, but they gave everything they had for reasons outside their control.  In my view they are more Christ-like because they set aside their will for the will of the "greater good."  Just as Christ put aside his human will and did God's will, these men and women put aside their wants and desires and fought and died for something they did not believe in.

It might be easy to say that they had no choice, but that is not entirely true.  They could have lived out their lives in prison for not complying.  They could have committed crimes so as not to be forced to go.  They could have done violence to their fellow soldiers to rebel against their forced services, a sad trend we are seeing play itself our for other reasons in the past few years.  They had the option of any number of ways of getting out of service.  While none of these things may have been appealing options, they were options that most likely wouldn't have resulted in their untimely deaths.  Instead these men and women chose to fight and die so that we may sit back in our air conditioning and attempt to judge their motivations.  Today, let just be thankful to those people.  Today let us rejoice that forced service is no longer a reality in America.  Today, let us reflect on how we can be more like them, more like Christ and focus on forgoing our will and doing God's will.


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Faith story part 1

This past week my Parrish had a mission with Father Dwight Longenecker.  To say it was enlightening would be an inadequate description.  If you have the opportunity to hear him speak, I cannot recommend enough that you take full advantage of it.

His topic was how to evangelize by sharing your faith journey.  It has had me thinking over the past three days and I want to start to put mine down.  I hope if anyone reads this it will be enlightening and beneficial.  I don't know how many posts it will take, but I will spread it out, as this will be the first time I have ever really done this . . . really the sort of thing I intended to do years ago when I started this blog.  Thank you Father Longenecker.

I guess I must start with my childhood.  My first memory involving church is my parents driving us 40 minutes each way to Mass because we lived in a small town that did not have a church.  I remember going to church in a building at the local Jaycees swimming pool before the local church building was put together (it was made of metal and tin, so I can't really say it was "built").  I remember serving at Mass, I remember youth group and CCD --I think those are called PRE now -- classes.  I  remember standing in the back of church prior to Mass with my best friend trying to get his grandfather to say inappropriate things too loudly, something that was entirely too easy to do! :)

Those were all pleasant memories, but not of much use when talking about knowing and understanding my Christian faith.  As a college kid I remember going to the campus catholic church and absolutely no one bothered to introduce themselves or welcome me.  I remember all the people acting very click-ish, a severe blow for someone like me whose comfort zone is being alone.  I remember having a personal crisis and finding the priest at the campus church neither comforting nor helpful.  I will admit to being very naive and immature about most things at that age, which played a large part in making what shouldn't have been such a big deal into a personal crisis.  However, not all about my father journey at college was lost.  I met and befriended a Benedictine Sister from Holy Angels Convent named Sister Lenor Dust.  She was the principal at the Catholic school in town and knew my mother.  She was wonderful.

A year after graduating from college I moved to Denver, where I lived for approximately a year.  I didn't go to church much then, although I still considered myself Catholic.  I just never found a place I was comfortable.

(to be continued . . .)



"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

To Blog or Not to Blog

“God doesn't require us to succeed, he only requires that you try.”
 
These words by  Saint Mother Teresa give me hope in my daily life. That someone so obviously filled with the Holy Spirit can entertain the struggles of failure, I know that I have hope in my failures.  These words also give me hope with this blog.  I started this blog sometime in 2009 with big ideas.  At the time those ideas were driven more by my ego than by God's calling, although I do still believe I was called to this.

In the three plus years since I made my first post I have been inhibited from posting like I would like by issues in my personal life.  I have also been prohibited from posting as regularly as I should by my own selfishness.  I have spent way too much time focusing on issues in my own head and heart and not focus on God's call in my life.  I can be honest with myself that selfishness has played a large part in my failings with this blog over the years, I just am not ready to deal with the amount that my failing to focus on anything by my self-pity has played.

Now I come to a cross roads.  In July I will have to make a decision on whether to re-up the domain name.  Certainly there is a large part of me that believes that the world and me would be better off if I kept whatever writings I may attempt to pencil and paper so that no one will have to stumble across this blog and endure my lack of writing skills.  But I will try, I will make an effort to post at least weekly over the next 5-6 weeks and see what happens.  If the Lord wills it, I want to do it. 


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui

Is God Alive?

"God is Not Dead"  This is a new, I guess you would call it "Christian," movie out.  My co-worker was telling me about it and I watched the trailer for it online, which got me to thinking.  Is God dead?  Before you can answer that question, you must first ask yourself, is God alive?  Depending on your point of view, but even as a Catholic I could say yes and I could say no.

Yes -- God became human as Jesus of Nazareth, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried.  On the third day He rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures.  (Hmm, now where have I heard that before . . .?) To the extent He lowered himself to become human, Jesus, fully God and fully human died, rose again and is still alive.

No -- God is. In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God and the Word was God.  If those first words of John's gospel are true (and any Christian would say that they are) then God cannot be alive, at least as we understand it.  Being alive implies that death is coming, or at least is an option.  God that is the creator of all things is above death and God being above death is also above (and beyond the concept of) being alive.

I have not seen the movie, but judging from the trailer and from the background of those involved with the movie I would bet it is the first answer that is presented in this movie.  It is precisely that answer or at least that approach to the question that, in my opinion, contributes to so many falling away from Christianity. It is that approach that leads people to use phrases like, as was used in the movie, "the big man in the sky" when referring to God.  When the fundamental explanation of God is done only* in the context of human existence and understanding, then it is easy to see why people lose faith.
*I use the term only there to emphasis that there certainly is a human context to God, after all God became human.  However, there is much more to a full understanding of God.

When given only in that limited context, the concept of God is also easily attacked   If what is means to believe in God is only presented as what is capable of being fully grasped by humanity (see Philippians 2:6) then it falls to the level of being another opinion.  If it is simply an opinion, then that opinion is subject to debate and also subject to being changed**.  When God is presented on the level of the gods of ancient Rome and Greece, then God is subject to being proven not to exist, just like those gods.

**It is also subject to being wrong, which cannot be if God is "the way the truth and the life."

The God that simply is cannot be proven to be alive or proven to be dead.  The God that created the universe is greater than all human understanding. God cannot be measured, grasped, controlled, manipulated or changed -- all things necessary for something to be understood. This is the God that we have to get back to professing and proclaiming.  It is only when we humble ourselves to accept that what we know of God (and what we can know of God) is only that which He has reveled can we begin to change our lives to live according to God's will.

It is only in living lives of sacrifice for and in service of others that we can change people's hearts.  It is only in reflecting the beauty of the Cross that we can bring others into sharing in God's Love.  It was the first Christians living and professing this sort of radical life that changed the world.  It is Christians having gotten way from this radical life that has fertilized the growth of the culture of death.  And it is only getting back to living and professing this life lived for and in service of others that is capable of changing humanity.

The Jews of Jesus time believed the Christ as foretold by the Prophets would come and defeat their worldly enemies.  Are we as modern day Christians any different?  Don't we want and pray for God to solve all our worldly problems, provide us with worldly goods?  The Gospels proclaim a different victory, a victory not measured in worldly terms.  How can we share in this victory and bring others into the Body of Christ unless we live by Christ's example?


"If you want to be happy, really really happy, use your talents to serve others." - Eduardo Verastegui