Crowning with Thorns

In this October, the month of the Rosary, I am hoping to do as my pastor recommended and pray the Rosary daily. Today being Tuesday means the Sorrowful Mysteries. I am, at least at the beginning, praying using a novena booklet. As I was reading the reflection in the booklet and beginning the Our Father on the third mystery, the Crowning with Thorns,  a thought entered my heart that caused me to pause in awe. 

I began thinking about Jesus enduring the Roman soldiers forcing those thorns down into his skull and how our Lord was looking at them and loving them as they did this. The idea of that it was possible even for our Lord to love someone causing him so much pain and injury is beyond my comprehension. 

First, you have to wonder what was going through those soldiers’ minds as He was looking at them with perfect love while they struggled with pressing those thorns his flesh. Did it make them press harder?  Did it freak them out? Did they talk amongst themselves after it was done about His look?  How unnerving must it have been to see a look of perfect love while trying to maximize pain and humiliation?  I know how how I feel after I sin knowing that God is looking upon me with that same look of love. I can’t imagine how it was staring into the face of Jesus while sinning against Him in the most personal of ways. 

Second, I try to imagine how I could apply our Lord’s example in my life. From something as simple as not getting angry, even for a moment, when someone is too slow in front of me on the road to not being resentful when my spouse does something I don’t like, I quickly come to the realization that such a thing is impossible for me. Thankfully, my salvation is not dependent on my being able to do something beyond my capabilities. The Holy Ghost, the Immaculata and my Guardian Angel take my best efforts and perfect them in Heavenly praise of The Father. 

Thank you God for Jesus’ perfect sacrifice, for the most efficacious intercession of the ever Virgin Mary and the protection of my Guardian Angel. 

Be a man

Just watched an EWTN broadcast of Father Larry Richards show about manhood. His message was that we should all say a prayer every day to invoke the Holy Ghost inside each and every baptized and confirmed Christian. That prayer should invite the Holy Ghost to set our lives on fire so that others will want to watch us burn. 

Control is something I find most difficult to let go of. You could say I am a “control enthusiast” as that rental car company commercial says.  “And you shall be as Gods” (Genesis 3:5). That one line haunts me every day. My fear and pride work as an internal sprinkler system trying to snuff out the fire of the Holy Ghost within me. 

Thankfully, God’s Love is ever new. It is a blessing indeed that God’s Love is not bitter or petty or moody. Just as these demons that want to control my life come from the original sin of Eve, so too the antidote comes from and the course is reversed through the Immaculata. 

Holy Mother, ever virgin and Mother of God. Be my protector and my warrior against the traps of the accuser. Pray for me that your spouse will inflame my heart and my life.  Plead for me that the Holy Ghost will burn away my heart of stone and that I may live every moment dying to myself in service to my neighbor. 

Dearest Mother

I am a slave. I am a slave to sin. I am a slave to sins of the flesh. My bondage is so complete that the mere thought of not giving in to earthly desires causes pain which is most unbearable. 

How are these chains to be broken?  Having failed so many times, the fear of inadequacy is almost indistinguishable from the dread of the fire of the trials. 

Blessed Mother unblimimshed by sin, intercede on my behalf. Come to my aid. Immaculata, whose soul was pierced as foretold by Simeon, I am deserving of eternal banishment. 

Due to your humility and unwavering devotion to the will of the Father, I can be made clean by the blood of your Son. In your example I can learn to receive the Spirit and have all confidence in conquering these demons that ravage my soul. 

In you humanity has the clarity to see through the lies of the accuser. In you we have the proof of the promises of Christ. Satan only offers a mirror in which we see a deformation of what we are intended to be. You are a window, spotless and unblemished. By looking at you we can see the true image of our Salvation. 

Holy Virgin, be my sword in battle against Satan and his dominions. Our Lady, pray ask the Holy Ghost to be my armor and my light. Failure is only assured when I take my eyes off of Christ and his Cross. 

Collect

One thing I personally have taken away from the crisis inflicting our Church is that I must change myself and from there I can be prepared to serve as a warrior for Christ. 

This journey will not be short and will not be easy. I began this journey in earnest a year and a half ago, roughly. The more I grow in my spiritual life the more I see the true nature of my sins.  My heart is firmly in Satan’s grasp and I am powerless to free myself. 

Holy Mary, Mother of God, through your Magnificent and by you powerful intercession please battle on my behalf to release me from Satan’s hold so that I may be free to give my life to your Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Mad as hell

The revelations of the past few weeks have caused me much anger and distress. I have found myself ranting on message boards in a way that I haven’t for years. I didn’t like how it made me feel then and I don’t like it now. 

Heavenly Father, I trust that you are hear with me and with your Church. The failures of some of the men who have risen to leadership positions in your church have caused harm only repairable by your love. 

I pray you will open my heart and give me the grace to be a part of the solution to this crisis. Only through changing my heart and rooting out the pride, lust, selfishness and bitterness that eat away at my soul can I then love my fellow man. Only through a total emptying of myself can I love You in the manner you deserve. 

Please humble me and show me how to repent for my lack of loving You and loving me in an unhealthy way.