After three weeks of various levels of illness, I finally felt like getting out and going running again tonight. Understand running for me isn't like running for a lot of people. Running for me consists of wobbling along, or as John Bingham calls it, being a penguin. I jog, and we will use that term loosely, for 5 minutes, then walk (at about the same speed) for 1 minute. I am up to 1.5 miles, or should I say, I was up to 1.5 miles prior to the forced time off. But my struggle isn't with the running and it is more than the weight. My struggle is with being the kind of person I know I should and could be if I could find more time for reflection and prayer. THAT is what running is hopefully going to be about for me.
While it is the idealistic goal, it is also the tricky part. While contemplating this post I was sitting between my dog and cat petting them listening to U2. I was specifically listening to Beautiful Day (from All That You Can't Leave Behind) and some specific lyrics struck me, "Touch me, Take me to that other place, Reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case." This is one thing I really enjoy about Bono's lyrics, 15 different people can listen to them and get 30 different meanings. At that moment I knew God was talking to me through that song. That is exactly how I feel when it comes to my prayer life and improving it; like a hopeless case.
I suffer in all areas of my life from letting life pass me by. Each day I intend to do something, call my father, pay a bill, post something on my blog. Seems the rudimentary tasks of life: work, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., take over and I never do the things I should do, only seem to do the things I have to do. I don't want prayer to be that, to be something I have to do. Then again, could praying because I "have to" be any worse than not praying like I want to? Would the burden of prayer being a task or a chore be any worse than the guilt of failing to pray like I think I should? Maybe I will start with “reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case,” and see where that leads.