Feeling Dirty

Unlike Chamillionaire, I am not "ridin' dirty," but I certainly feel dirty tonight; even after having a nice jog and shower.  As an attorney for the state doing juvenile dependency/neglect cases I am greatly blessed to have a job I like that also enables me to respond to God's call in my life.  However, today, for the first time, I don't feel like I did something good.  I had a case where a young man had made accusations of inappropriate touching by his father.  After interviewing the child I firmly believed that he was making up these accusations in an attempt to be able to stay in a home where he could continue a relationship with someone his father didn't approve of.

I put forward the case my client wanted and called the young man to testify. He testified to what he said had happened and the father, without an attorney, didn't cross examine him to punch holes in his testimony.  So, the only witness that the court heard was the young man, and there was nothing done to attempt to challenge his testimony.

The father, who is surely was not a perfect parent, didn't do the things he was accused of doing - at least in my opinion.  However, the father fell into that large crack in American society that he made too much to be afforded a court appointed attorney, but didn't make enough to actually be able to afford to hire one to represent him.  Despite my best efforts to persuade the father to ask for a continuance and hire an attorney, he didn't.  Like so often when people try to navigate the legal system alone, he got run over.  I feel horrible about this and feel a great injustice was done.

As G.K. Chesterton talked about in Heretics, Christians are called on to work for more then justice; we are called on to give charity.  Chesterton defines justice as giving to those what they are entitled to, or deserve.  He defines charity as giving those same things to those who don't deserve them.  I feel a large sense of failure as a Christian tonight because my ethical responsibilities over-rode my moral ones.  Not only was this man run ruff-shot over today, so was my soul.  I know that I can go to God and lay this at his feet and pray that His will be done.  I pray that this child's father knows the same.