Tough week

After a long and hectic week I am finally able to take (or finally making the time) to post again.  Seems that my state of mind is so much different than it was one week ago.  Last week I was typing myself into getting excited about going to confession, only to go out of town shopping and not make it back in time to go.  I went with my wife to go shopping in a town about 40-minutes away and we were having such a good time I decided that it would be better for me to spend time with her and go to confession this week.  That was only the start of my issues.

You would think that with a Mass time of 10:00 it would be no problem for me to get up in time to make it.  On Saturday mornings (and most mornings for that matter, but especially on the one morning I can sleep in) I am am normally awake by 7:00-7:30 and cannot go back to sleep.  On Sunday mornings, even though I set an alarm for 8:00 I my eyes always seem to want to stay asleep until around 9:30.  Magically, right around 9:30 I wake up and know that, unless I showered the night before, I will never make it to Mass on time.  This happens far too frequently.

Even though an argument could be made that when I oversleep I don't miss Mass with "deliberate consent," as an attorney I have to be very cautious of doing so and rationalizing away my indiscretions. I would dismiss such a notion because how hard is it to wake up by 9:00 or at least shower and shave the night before so I can quickly get ready on Sunday morning? 

As the week went on my struggles with developing a consistent prayer life kept a downward trajectory.  I have discovered that verbal prayer is not something I will easily develop.  I think I do a pretty good job of saying little prayers throughout the day.  I may ask God's blessing on someone in need, say a small prayer of thanks or even pray for Grace.  Sometimes I will ask for the Holy Spirit to guide me in something I am about to do.  It is the daily and/or nightly prayer that I struggle.  I had created a morning prayer for myself a few weeks ago that started with a Hail Mary and Our Father then went something like this:

Thank you Lord for all of the blessings you bestow upon me.  Thank most for the ability to call You, the Creator of all things, Father.  I am a sinner and unworthy of any of the Graces you give.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will bestow upon me the stillness of heart to hear Your voice, the wisdom to understand Your calling and the strength to do Your will.  I pray that I may keep my eyes fixed upon my Savior on the cross and live this day by His example. Amen.

Even this week I have lost sight up saying that simple morning prayer.  I have recently finished reading The Secret of The Rosary by Saint Louis De Montfort and intend to begin my attempt at joining the Confraternity of the Rosary tomorrow, August 1, 2010.  With my past struggles with saying a simple daily prayer, much less my struggles with a novena, I don't hold out a lot of hope for reaching my goal of saying a Rosary every day for a year, but I guess it is better that I try and fail than not try at all. 

Well, it is almost that time, almost time to get ready for confession and all the graces that flow from it.  I have so much going on in my head that it should be good and all over the place.  I guess I need to find a few pre-confession prayers and spend some time in reflection on my sins.  May God bless you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.